Your face is a jimmy john
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
why is half of my head shaved?
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