Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
