1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
