sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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