Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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