we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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