I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
