Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
