I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
