Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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