quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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