he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
