yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
What a dumb baby whore.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
