How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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