ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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