Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My pussy is not your playground.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
