So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize