Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
