I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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