Having a random hookup so left but love u
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
