I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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