I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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