so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
