just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
