If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
