I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
