My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
