hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
