I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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