You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
