we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize