So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
