Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
