We won't sleep together?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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