hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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