i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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