y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
