Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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