You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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