Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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