I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
