I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
