I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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