It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
