Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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