I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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