On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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