We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize