White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
