Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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