well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
