I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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