Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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