you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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