i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I wear drunk well.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize