Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How does it feel to date your dad?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
