she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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