I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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