All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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