U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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