I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
