I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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