On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
