Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Can I color on your dick again?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
