Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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