genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
