I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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