went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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