Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
