Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize