my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
