My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In other news, I just burned my penis
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
