i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You took a bar mat shot.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
