We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
