I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize