I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
