I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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