what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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