I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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