There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize