And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
