I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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