when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
