If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
