to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
