Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
