Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
