I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
