She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
