toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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