guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
