I think my vagina is haunted
that's an acceptable place to lick
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
