your parents love me but you hate me
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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