This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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