Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
