we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
