K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
